Say Something Controversial

Yes, well, don't mind if I do.

Let me begin by saying, I drive a car. It's not very big, but it's quite speedy, and a lovely green colour, and I love it. However, for some strange reason, it attracts wonky cyclists (this is where the controversial part comes in, okay?).

I'm prepared to accept that 10% of (lunatic) cyclists give the rest of this breed a bad name. I'll even go as far as to accept that yes, the government really needs to get serious about creating, upgrading and maintaining viable cycle paths in order for the whole experience of getting to work to become one of happiness and little fluffy bunnies, rather than bowel-destroying fear, but in the meantime... Jesus Christ.

This vitriol was inspired by my experience last week when, in reversing my car into a parking spot, I found my vehicle, and a rather deranged looking cyclist, attempting to break Newton's Third Law of Matter by occupying the same physical space AT THE SAME TIME.

Of course, what with me being a nasty, yukky car owner, and a woman to boot!, it was all my fault. Though it makes me cringe, let me quote BigBrother '08 - I DON'T THINK SO!

There is really not much I could say for myself. I had legitimately found a parking spot - not always easy where cheap uni students, avoiding pay parking, congregate - and was putting myself into it. Apparently, it is my fault that a cyclist, noticing my car going in a backwards direction, decided to ride BEHIND me, and cut across my boot. So of course I deserved the name-calling, the fist shaking and the threats made on my unborn children. I'm a bad driver - imagine, reversing into a parking spot, and expecting others to NOT BE STUPID ENOUGH TO STAND BEHIND YOU. Duh. It all seems so simple now.

So I apologise wholeheartedly to the poor cyclist I nearly ran over, and I say only this: I drive a tonne of metal, and you have a pisky-lookin' bike. Do it again, sunshine, and you shall be squished beyond recognition. I am big, you are small, and I will ALWAYS win that particular contest.

In the meantime, enjoy a world with lower carbon emissions.


NB. Let the flames begin - I bought marshmallows