Conversations You Had To Be There For - Gordon Ramsay

My parents have pay tv. This, and the fact that they conceived, carried and cared for me till I foolishly buggered off, makes me extraordinarily grateful that I have such winners in my life.

Further, it makes me easy to find should I be home again in NSW, and has become a staple of the Christmas visit - Mel will be found couchsurfing with the Foxtel remote in hand at any given time. Feel free to offer her wine/vienna peanuts/bacon sammiches.

It's the packaging of pay tv that makes it so alluring - it's merely the same old crap (and really, some of it is - Body Building Pensioners, anyone?), but on all the time. I defy ANYONE not to be able to find some offering of awfulness that they nonetheless feel compelled to view. Truly, these are strong powers - try using them for good.

Yet back to the story which struck me as paralyzingly funny, and will probably only evoke a mild titter. Plebs.

Mel (watching Gordon Ramsay eff and blind his way thru something... Wiggling her toes in delight at the sheer decadence of the experience)

Mum: Gosh, that Gordon fellow's very... rugged looking, isn't he?

Mel: Mum, he looks like his face caught on fire and was put out with a shovel. V. sorry to be harsh, but hey, he's worth millions of squids, and could buy and sell me before morning tea time, so I'm sure he'll work past it.

Mum: Really? I mean, he doesn't look like a burns victim...

(astonished paused before Sis and I collapse laughing, rolling off our respective couches)

Mel (wheezing with laughter): I said he looked like his face had caught on fire and been put out with a shovel. If I was wanting to describe him as a burns victim, I would've said, Christ, he looks like a burns victim.

Mum: Oh, right, I see your point.

Maybe it was the humidity, or the fact that, at 2pm in the afternoon, I was still wearing my pyjamas, maybe it was even the wine, but trust me - we thought we were hiLARious.

Gordon Ramsay - rugged looking, or something more?

NB. Absolutely no offence meant to Gordon Ramsay - I admire his business acumen and culinary skills immensely, and hope to one day excel in a similar manner... P.S. If you need a data entry clerk/switch bitch, Gordon, I'm your girl!