I Wanna Have Your Babies - Pick Up Lines that Shock and Amuse #1

There is context to this story. While I could broaden that to exploring notions of the place of the individual in society, and throw in a quick examination of the human condition, I'll get my hand off it, and bring you up to speed v. quickly.

I work as an artist's model. That is, ppl pay me to take off my clothes and stand/sit/lounge around in poses that are about as natural and 'still life' as a birthday party of toddlers on the red cordial. Notice my rictus of pain? Not for my own amusement. I do this in front of groups, for private sittings, and 21st birthdays. Just kidding! I get almost no private sitting work.

Anyway, I occasionally get work at the Uni. This has its advantages - a fairly hefty hourly whack - but unfortunately, it means I must deal with students. Now, students are awesome, God love 'em - I am one, I wish to remain one as long as possible, I believe they should be fed/protected from hunters/nurtured by the State - but Christ in the marketplace they can shit me sideways.

The course I worked for was made up of technical drawing and Architecture students. F*ck me. You show me a group of ppl less interested in drawing the human form - and with a pencil! Not a computer program! What Luddites these artists are! Have they not been made aware of the technological advances, etc etc - and I'll show you a mostly dead pot plant. They do not care. They are in it for the requisite credits so they can continue on to design such monstrosities as this - yes yes, they put the pipes on the OUTSIDE! Truly it is a breakthru of design, etc etc, blow me - rather than as an expression of a deep passion for documenting the human body as an artistic endeavor. If they had any of that, they'd be at a real art school. But I digress.

While they might have hated the drawing, it appears that some of the fellas at least enjoyed the looking. Let's face it - it's a situation where she whips her tits out, and they're required to look closely. What's not to love?

Funnily enough, I still pretend to maintain some level of professional detachment, and ask others to do the same. However, I can understand that there may be some mixed signals - I stand around in my nude for three hours, looking bored and not allowed to talk (apparently, recognising me as a human is superfluous to the artistic pursuit), sleep or even breathe deeply, and expect no one to comment on the nudiness itself. Perfectly reasonable mistake.

On this cherished occasion, I was finishing my shift when a young gentleman strode over to me, and announced in tones rich with piss and vinegar, 'I like what I've seen so far! Can I buy you a drink?'

Like all good clangers, it was dropped in a moment of inadvertent silence, creating a deep unnatural silence (There is a difference in the types of silence - if you don't believe me, loudly announce you're wearing your partner's underwear and they 'make my down-theres TINGLE!' next time you're in a conference, and make your own judgments). We'd arrived at the extremely-quiet-and-still-ohmigod-impending-doom-rides-amongst-us place.

But really, the best clangers are the ones that fight back - it was probably for the best that it was so quiet, for it allowed me to sing out, in a proud and happy voice, 'F*ck you, I'd rather have the cash.'

A case of the exotic dancer offended when a punter asks for a more intimate, 'full body' dance? Or an actual crossing of professional boundaries?

Discuss.