Grant Me The Serenity

Sometimes, changing things is really hard. Like, really REALLY hard. There have been moments (including some under duress) when I've looked at my life, and realised that the state of it is making me unhappy, unhealthy, and slightly mad (oh, who am I kidding? Completely mad. Completely). And despite the wisdom of the statement that admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery, this fails to add that that journey of change which any decent recovery entails can be a grade-A, lifelong sonofabitch.

But really, what are the options? Staying where you are can be awesome: comforting, familiar, a place of enduring sameness in an otherwise hostile and ever-changing world. However, it can also mean stagnation, a failure to adapt, and a complete underexposure to new and challenging ways of thinking, doing and being. Change, while offering us the chance to grow and create new ways of of expressing ourselves, can also push us too far away from being ourselves.

God, the New Age, hello trees, hello flowers, la la crap mood of this post is making me cringe - another couple of minutes of this and I'll be reading Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus (Actually, I do want to read this book - it's necessary research for my own future bestseller, Men Are From Earth, Women Are From Earth - F*cking Deal, but I digress).

What I'm attempting to say is this:

• no one can continue to use past hurts as an excuse for current and future bad behaviour. Bad shit goes down for everyone. This is kind of a defining fact of human existence. The trick is to deal, not dwell. Get some therapy, find a 12 Step group, write a novel with thinly-veiled references to those who have wronged you, but for God's sake, do not be that person who, at every party, gets drunk, cries, and wants sympathy for how bad their entire life is. My life is not all f*cking lollies and kittens, but I try to move on.
• remember, it's called Secret Pain because it should be secret. Not everyone needs to know about why your life is such a sh*t. Even more importantly, not everyone cares. Having said that, have at least one brilliant friend who will listen to you. Unloading is theraputic, providing it's not your only method of communicating with others.
• introspection can be f*cking frightning - very few ppl have the desire to honestly examine theirselves and their actions, and look for their own part in things, especially when that part may show them to be less than perfect. However, the most well-balanced ppl do. And we'd all like to be well-balanced, wouldn't we???

So, if you're that unhappy, change. It's scary, painful, and sometimes feels like you're sweating blood for no discernible outcome, but any decision you make to live in the way that makes you feel content and at peace with the world is a change worth making.

And let's face it, you're never gonna be able to change the world to suit yourself. Believe me, I've tried.