Driving - It's Really Just Swearing On Wheels

I have had the honour and privilege to teach 3 ppl close to my heart how to drive.
Why? I hear you ask. Several reasons:

1. I can teach them how to swear without taking their hands off the wheel, and thus killing us (a integral part of the enjoyment of road rage is living thru it to tell the story at a later, drunk-dinner-party date)
2. I really like extreme sports, and
3. After many years of playing the designated driver, it's now some other pr*ck's turn. When that person was unforthcoming (why? Because most ppl are bastards, who'll happily take advantage of you and your Corolla), I created a few more suckers in my own image. SHOTGUN FRONT SEAT!

But, let me tell you, it's not easy. I spent most of my time as a supervisor with my left foot jabbing uselessly at the floor while I tried to come up with caring and supportive ways to say, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YOU IDIOT, SLOW THE F*CK DOWN. STOOOP! Massively good times were had by all. But, apparently, I'm not the worst out there. This recount of a driving experience shared by the Gorgeous Fwossy (all round awesome babe, and silly enough to let me be her friend), and her mother, proves that there's always someone who makes it a little more painful to complete your necessary hours. Next Learner who complains to me about my 'help' gets a cattle prod fair up the bum.

"........................................"
"........................................"

"Fwossy, I told you not to leave bags in the car."
"Oh. Sorry."

"........................................"
"........................................"

"Turn right."
"Okay."

"........................................"
"........................................"

"Where do I turn?"
"Next left."

"........................................"
"........................................"

"FWOSSY! YOU DIDN'T LOOK! STAY IN YOUR LANE"
"I am... Kind of. Sorry."

"........................................"
"........................................"

(Repeat until a Provisional Licence has been obtained)

You've got to get to the stage in life where going for it is more important than winning or losing - Arthur Ashe

Dear Senator McCain,
I was extremely impressed by your speech following the announcement of Barack Obama as President-Elect. You spoke with graciousness, dignity, and made it clear that you had fought a fair fight. I understand that, right now, you're probably feeling a little bummed. While failure may be character building, most times you just want the success!

However, I just wanted to mention a few things:

• you didn't inherit a war in Iraq (remember how well the last one went?)
• you didn't inherit a war in Afghanistan (remember how well every Western campaign in history went?)
• you didn't inherit a Depression (remember how well the last one went?)
• you will not have to engineer a World War in order to revitalise the American economy (remember how well the last one went?)
• you will not have to spend 4 years with Sarah 'You betcha!' Palin, her assault weapons and all those stuffed moose heads she would have INSISTED on decorating the White House with
• that stress-related heart failure? Probably just been put off by a couple of years
• you now have an automatic claim to the moral highground - whatever the Democrats do that is received as unpopular, you simply need to shake you head, smile sadly, and murmur, If I had have been running the show...
  

Suddenly, losing seems a lot like winning, doesn't it?

Regards,
Mel Wuv